aislina

Gabe was already fighting back tears when he opened the hotel room door. William was channel surfing casually, lying against the mountain of pillows on the kingsize bed. His frame was spread across the entire bed, legs splayed and head lolling relaxedly when he saw Gabe. In an instant he was on his feet; in two steps he was in front of Gabe; in less than a second he was kissing him.

Gabe kissed him back, then suddenly pushed him away. "No", he breathed. His refusal lacked some strength due to his breathlessness and the overwhelming lust surging through his body.

William looked simultaneously skeptical and hurt. He turned away momentarily and when he turned back the hurt was gone.

"What going on baby?" he asked soothingly, reaching for Gabe. His pale hand gingerly touched the back of Gabe's smooth tan one before Gabe recoiled.

"We need to talk Bill..."

"Ok" William nodded encouragingly, but Gabe knew in the back of his mind he was wondering if they could skip the talking and get to the tearing each others clothes off. This wasn't unusual, every third or fourth meeting Gabe would want to "have a serious talk" or "discuss what we're doing" and William played along because it made Gabe feel better, and he lived to make Gabe happy.

They sat opposite each other and William observed that his lover seemed upset by something. He was never usually this worked up and William tried to think what could have him like this.

"You're still with Christine," Gabe spat out eventually. He realised he was shaking.

"Yeah, but its you I love." William replied. No trace of the shame he felt showed on his face, and only his restless leg, crossed over the other and jigging constantly betrayed his discomfort.

"Then leave with me."

It was said quietly, almost inaudibly.

William shook his head in confusion, "you know it doesn't work like that."

Gabe paced, working himself up "What does she have that I don't William? You tell me you love me but then go home to her. I left my relationship for you. I gave up everything."

William let out a small cry of pain, "i can't do that Gabe! i have a small daughter and she needs both of us around".

Gabe responded with a shrug of faux-nonchalance, "i guess then, its best if we end it here."

William let out a tiny sound like a wounded animal, but nodded "if that's what you need."

"It is, but first." he kissed William hard, hips crashing as he pulled them together.

William didn't realise he was crying until he saw his tears pool in the hollow of Gabe's collar bone as he straddled him. Gabe's face was tearstreaked and tragic, he couldn't bear it, kissing him so he wouldn't have to see.

They slept tangled up with each other. Gabe's hands tangled in William's hair, forcing him close. When he finally awoke, William could feel Gabe's breath on his neck. gently he tried to disentangle himself, but Gabe woke up and blearily stared, mournful eyed as William got dressed.

"Don't leave baby" he whispered, trying to get a hold of William's hands.

"I shouldn't have stayed last night. we decided, its over." William spoke quietly but firmly, gently removing Gabe's hand from his thigh. "You decided."

"That was different, I was angry. now I know - I love you. I love you so much William, please don't leave me ." Gabe started to choke up and he panicked. "You can't leave me, I'll be all alone."

A gentle kiss, "you have my number. we'll catch up some time. I have to go."

He reached the door before he began to have misgivings. He turned slightly to see Gabe curling up and turning away, shoulders heaving already as he sobbed quietly.

"I love you Bill, why isn't that enough? Why can't we be happy? We could be happy together, but you always leave me for your girlfriend and the baby"

"My EX girlfriend and my daughter" William clarified. "Its all about my daughter. I'm with you as much as I can be" he was back inside the room by now.

"Do you still fuck her?" Gabe's voice was dangerously calm.

"I...god Gabe, what the hell!"

"Do you?"

"I..no...not often"

Gabe was on his feet in a second, eyes glinting manically.

"You bastard! You bastard I trusted you and I loved you! How can you do this to me? How can you fuck her and still tell me you love me?!" his blows rained down on William, who shut his eyes and let them fall.
He deserved this. He deserved to be run through with a knife. All he wanted was to keep those close to him happy, so he stayed with Christine for their baby, he slept with her when she begged him and he never ever let Gabe down.
If he was doing the right thing, how did it all go so bad?

Eventually Gabe lost strength and fell sobbing to the ground. "I love you and you lie to me. I come second, every time they call you you go running. It can't stay like this Bill" he hiccuped.

"It has to." William crouched next to him, reaching to cradle him. Gabe swatted him away

"No it CAN'T. If you want to be with me ever it has to be us. Just us. No ex girlfriend, no nothing. Just you. And me. Forever."

"I can't leave Gen, and I need to see her."

"So apply for joint custody. You can share her. I love her, you know I do Bill but aren't I important too? This was fine when we were still hiding it, but I've broken up with Angie and you've come clean to Christine now. There's no reason for us to keep creeping around. I've been in love with you since the first day you walked into that fucking remedial gym class they made me teach my senior year to get passing grades. I've worshipped the ground you walk on but it ends here. Enough. You have to choose, now."

"Well I..." William looked unsure. "You know I love you. but I love her too. I...well...fuck Gabe, how can you do this and just sit there? Its you, it has to be you, its always been you."

Gabe planted a tiny kiss on William's cheek, brushing away the tears threatening to fall.

"Don't cry, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but I've been carrying that around for a very long time. We'll apply for joint custody, Christine won't stop you."

"Its not that simple. The courts might not recognise it because we live in rental accomodation under Christine's name, and she's the mother, and e were never married to begin with."

"We'll get through it, together. I'll do everything i can"

William laced his fingers tightly through Gabe's and they stayed seated together on the floor next to their hotel room bed until reception called asking them to check out.

Neither boy let go of the other until they were in the cab home. Gabe was a little stunned, unsure how he ended up so far from what he expected to achieve. William was terrified of the conversation that was awaiting him at home, but the flush of pleasure in Gabe's face told him it was worthwhile. It would all be worthwhile.

"Bill...are you awake?"
"No" William grumbled, rolling over in his bed. "Why? Who wants to know?"
"It's me...Gabe. Can I come in, please?"

Gabe carefully opened the bedroom door to see William sitting bleary eyed on the floor, wrapped in his blankets and trying to tame his hair without success. He crouched down next to the boy and sighed, resting his head on William's shoulder.
"What's wrong babe?" William asked concernedly.
"Please..." Gabe asked softly, kissing him, "...can we not talk? Don't talk, just..."
Nervously, then with growing need, he  deepened their kiss and William responded, twining his fingers in Gabe's dark curls and sighing deep in his throat. He never got tired of the way their bodies fitted so well together, how Gabe was everything he couldn't be, how he was becoming a better person for it.

Somehow, Gabe's distress tainted the kiss, and William somewhat reluctantly broke off, getting to his feet and pacing frustratedly towards the door.
He paused, swivelled on his heels and asked Gabe, now curling up in William's blankets, "What's wrong baby? Seriously this time, I can tell something isn't right."
Gabe shook his head, snuggling further into the still warm blanket.
"Please Gabe. Trust me."
Still he stayed silent. Nearing the point of screaming William sat next to him, taking Gabe's head into his hands and kept his gaze steady into his eyes.
"Trust me, please. Show me this is more than just a game where you get to explore your sexuality. Show me this is worth fighting for, because in the real world, outside this godforsaken town, we will have to fight. Please Gabe, I won't ask you again if you don't want me to, but I need you to understand this is the only way I know how to show I really care."

Slowly Gabe began to speak, struggling to get one word out first, before a flood came forth. "They....m-my family...they...can't...can't accept it. Bilvy they can't accept who I am and they hate me for it. My parents are more concerned with their image and reputation than whether their own son is alright. And I'm not, I'm so not okay. I want to get out of here Bill, right now. I don't want to wait for the summer, or for some better time because dammit I'm willing to forsake this whole town for you right now. I'm so afraid that they're all right, every moment we're here I'm getting more afraid. If they're right and we don't last, I don't know what I'll do. You're the most important thing in my life, you're the only reason I have for getting up each morning and I like that feeling, I want to keep it..."
William cut him off midflow. "I love you too Gabey...I think that's what you're trying to say?"
Gabe nodded, smiling somewhat embarrassedly. The two boys stayed huddled together on the ground for some time before Gabe asked plaintively, his eyes pleading with William, "Can we run? Just leave, into the night, and not look back. I can't take much more of this."
William struggled to respond, conflicting emotions flitting through him. He felt like he was falling headfirst into something big, something bigger than both of them. His head was spinning and he felt like something significant was taking place. Dizzily he placed his hand on the ground to steady himself, but  throughout it all, Gabe's eyes were on him, grounding him, stopping him from flying away. Knowing he had little choice if he wanted to keep this boy, knowing there was no choice he would rather make he kissed Gabe.
"Of course we can. I'll have to tell my mother where we're going, but she'll understand. She can keep a secret."
"I'm glad you said yes. My bag's waiting outside"



Anyone out walking in the early hours of a warm morning in late spring would have been amused to see two boys clambering onto a bus, while a middle aged woman stood waving goodbye to them. One boy could hardly control himself with excitement, and the other smiled indulgently at his every word. They stood close together, holding hands as they took the first step into the great unknown. All they had they carried in bags, all they needed they had in each other.

Around three weeks later (twenty three days, seven hours and eighteen minutes to be exact), at around 3am, William tried to sleep after Gabe had signed off AIM. After seeing each other in school and racing to the pier afterwards and then making out and getting to know each other in one of their houses, they had taken to parting ways and then talking again later...usually after everyone else was asleep.
Despite trying really hard, William couldn't relax enough to sleep. Instead he traced the outlines of Gabe in his mind, something he never grew tired of. They say...'whoever they are'...that you can't understand love at 17, but either boy would have told you otherwise, especially WIlliam at this moment. He'd had relationships before of course, but they had all been with girls, and any of his gay encounters had been drunken fumbling in the dark that were more for the sake of doing something than an expression of lust. Before Gabe, the fact that he was gay seemed shameful and had to be hidden. Now William was so blissful he wanted to shout it from the rooftops. All that stopped him was Gabe himself, who despite rejecting most of the little town they lived in, and the people in it, still didn't want to attract any more attention.
William could respect that, if it meant keeping Gabe around.
Rolling onto his side and decisively shutting his eyes, William recalled their earlier conversation from the afternoon as he drifted to sleep at last.

Snuggled on the Saporta's sofa, he had looked up at Gabe and tried again to persuade him to move to Chicago after graduation.
"Next year's going to be amazing babe...You, me, the whole city of Chicago to explore." he murmured, nuzzling into Gabe's neck as he said it.
Gabe shook his head dolefully. "How do you expect to afford to live in Chicago Bill? My parents won't help, we can't expect your mom to support us..."
"I'll get a job. I'll work really hard and we'll have tons of parties and sex and drugs. It'll be amazing Gabe, just imagine. Stop being such an old woman for a minute. Imagine getting away from this place and starting fresh. In the city nobody cares if you're gay or straight or martian!"
"The only way we could afford to would be prostituting ourselves. There's no way. I don't want to get my hopes up and then crash back to reality after graduation..."
"I'll do it! I'll prostitute myself if it means I can take you to Chicago. You'll love it there, I know it. Its so multicultural, and the people are amazing and I already know all the places to be! Please Gabe...let me prove it to you...we can do it"

With a kiss, William had left before Gabe could disagree anymore, and now a small smile played on his lips as he remembered Gabe's expression when he left. Somewhere between disbelief, and budding hope, William knew he was going to win this one, and he knew Gabe would love Chicago as much as he did.


Across town Gabe too couldn't sleep, but for a very different reason. That afternoon, his mother had returned from her book club, or cross stitch circle, or whatever her latest hobby was; just in time to see William loping down the street looking even more bedraggled than usual. When she got inside, she immediately began to have hysterics and yell at Gabe because 'what if the neighbours had seen!' and 'you can't be bringing home any little friend you like Gabriel!'
Gabe's father was called and he soon stormed into the house too, where Gabe was soundly berated by both parents while his brother watched in amusement. As usual, Gabe took it all, in the beginning allowing his parents to scream at him until they were blue in the face about his 'problem'.
"One more year son, then you can do whatever you like. Once you're at college, its up to you what life choices you make."
But somehow, today was the day. Gabe snapped. With something akin to a snarl on his face he answered his parents back, for the first time. 
"You mean I"ll be out of your hair then. You won't have to think about me at all, and the fact that this is who I am."
"No we me-"
"You mean that if I was screwing a girl in my room everyday, it wouldn't be an issue, but because I'm not -"
"You choose whatever you like and we-"
"Because I chose? I didn't choose this. But fact is, you're ashamed. I'm sick of this whole town, I hate the stupid hierachy and the fact that just because I'm gay, that makes me inferior and weird and wrong."
With so much left to say, but not enough strength left to say it, Gabe went to his room and stayed there for the rest of the night. By the time he fell asleep, he was coming round to the idea that Chicago might be the place to be.

“Y’know Bilvy, I don’t see a whole lot of Gabe-inspired lyrics on Santi, and I gave you a whole song on ‘While the City Sleeps…’" Gabe teased his boyfriend, leaning over his shoulder to read the younger boy’s notebook. 
William swatted him away, untangling the tall Latino’s fingers from his hair and turning to face him.
 “’Same Blood’, that exact lyric was from when you and Trav were sitting on the sofa, reminiscing about the ‘old country’. Personally I don’t know what old country Travie was recalling, but that’s beside the point. Drunk Gabe turns to Drunk Travis and says ‘You and me man, and even Bill I guess, we’re the same blood. We just understand’.”

Triumphant, William stood up from the bed he was currently sitting on, and walked into the kitchen, leaving Gabe to struggle with his thoughts. 
“Same Blood? But that’s…That’s my favourite song!!”
 He followed William to the kitchen, cornering him at the sink and wrapping him in a hug. 
“I love you man, you know that right? Not in a brotherly way, in a ‘I wish your body was as girly as your face so we could have some sweet children’ type way.”
 William struggled with Gabe simultaneously declaring his love, and insulting him. 
“You’d prefer I was a girl?” he asked carefully, unsure whether he should be hurt or amused.
 Gabe froze and shook his head profusely, being sure to thoroughly kiss all the hurt feelings away before he continued, holding William by the waist.
 “You know that’s not true. It’s just that with technology where it’s at, we’re never gonna have any little Beckett-Saporta footsteps pattering around the house.” William relaxed, sank into the embrace and returned it with equal love.

“Two songs actually!” Gabe exclaimed later – much later, once William was almost asleep. 
He rolled onto his back with a sigh, the sigh of the long suffering. 
“What two songs Gabe?” he asked, like a dutiful child. 
“The two songs that were written about/sang by you on the Cobras’ album. And all I got was the title of a song on Santi.” Gabe pouted a little. 
William laughed and sat up to think.
 “You know, your pout is powerful honey, but I’ve been spending time with Brendon, and his is nuclear-force so I’m immune.”
 He teased a little until Gabe threatened to do nasty things to his hair while William slept. “Anyway, all I was saying was that I never said you only named one song Gabe.  The whole album documents the writing and recording process, and you were such an important part of that for me. Maybe its not quite as obvious as ‘I’ve got you locked inside this room’, but it’s still there and it’s just as heartfelt.”

Lost for words for once, Gabe allowed William to be almost asleep before he spoke again. 
“I do though…”

“Do what?”

“Do have you locked inside this room.”

“You do not!” William laughed.

“I do, I swear, there’s a lock on the door right now and you’re not getting out until you surrender yourself to me.”

“Silly Gabe, you already stole my chastity from me a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t matter. There’s no law saying I can only steal it once, and you know I always have my way with pretty girls.”

“Gabe that’s hitting below the belt.” William mock-whined. “You know I don’t think I’m pretty.”

Gabe smiled to himself. 
“That’s where you’re wrong.”

“Mmmm? ‘Kay, I’m going to sleep now Gabe.” William snuggled under the blanket, turning his back on Gabe.

“Its true Bill, you’re the…” Gabe persisted.

“Goodnight Gabe.”

“Yeah ‘night Bilvy, but listen to me you’re the most….”

 “Goodnight Gabe.”

Gabe fell silent at his boyfriend’s tetchy tone.  After waiting for what he deemed an appropriate amount of time he whispered into the silence 
“All I wanted to say was you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met – physically and personality-wise. I don’t know what I’d do without you, you’re like my other half and it makes me so happy…”

He turned on his side and snuggled up to William. 
“I love you”

In the dark Gabe thought William was asleep, until he felt a cool hand slipping into his, and a murmur on the verge of sleep. 
“’Love you too Gabey.”

Despite trying his hardest, Gabe couldn’t distract William from calculus.  The boy was determined to tutor him, and little by little Gabe came to understand it. He still had to concentrate, but he figured that if he could focus on maths with Bill leaning over him, or with his arm around his shoulders, he could focus anywhere!

After their math lesson was over, Gabe took over the educating. “So you’ve always lived in the city?” he asked curiously. “Yeah…my whole life. Mom always wanted to live in a smaller town, but I love the city, its so…beautiful.”

Gabe smiled and pointed to a few sites. “There’s a lot of beautiful things here too. Look at that view across the water, its amazing at this time of day. In 10 more minutes the whole ocean will be red with the sun. Look to the east, the clouds just shadowing the mountain, you can see it getting darker. And listen…there’s no sounds. I feel like im thinking too loud sometimes when its this silent.”

They fell into silence, observing the world, and when William spoke again, it was in a whisper. “I love you man…”

Gabe froze. What? Was it possible that Bill had picked up on some subconscious vibe and was returning it? “I mean…you’re like the best guy friend I’ve had for years! You’re just awesome”

“Oh…yeah…” Gabe deflated. William looked at him puzzledly, and then slowly and expression of embarrassment and irritating took its place. “Ok, who told you?”

“Told me what?”

“That I’m….probably most likely more than half gay? That’s why you’re acting all weird now…I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, maybe I should go…”

Gabe was gasping for breath; sure this had to be a dream of some description, raised a hand and yelled at the other boy to stop when he turned to leave. “It’s not that! Its nothing like that Bilvy! It’s…weird that’s all, because I’m gay…too.”

William’s face showed realisation as his thoughts progressed. If Gabe was gay, and he wasn’t awkward because he was uncomfortable, then it must be… “You like me” he breathed. Gabe felt his face burn up, and thanked God for his tan that hid it. “Well…” he began to answer, but William’s phone rang, giving him time to think and calm down. When he hung up he smiled briefly “I have to go, see you at school tomorrow?” Gabe nodded dumbly and waved half heartedly. William smiled self-mockingly and pulled him into a hug. “I’m so glad I met you Gabey” he whispered fiercely. Gabe was hyper aware of Bill’s breath blowing across his neck, and when William pulled back slightly and quickly kissed Gabe on the corner of his mouth before leaving once again, with a wave behind him, he stood bemusedly on the edge of the pier for several minutes, and grin slowly spread across his face.

The following week, after a weekend spent on the telephone with William, (‘call me Bill, only my mom and teachers call me William’) and keeping Bill away from the pier(still the only place Gabe found solace, still sacred), Gabe’s mother decided she needed to have a talk with him. “Now Gabriel honey, I have hired a 3-days-a-week cleaning lady to come and clean around the house because I am just sooooo busy….”

 ‘With what?’ Gabe wondered. ‘Shopping?’

“…she will usually be here when you get home from school, and her son might drop in from time to time. He’s about your age…” here her expression grew almost comically grave. “…your father and I don’t want any…funny business happening.”

Gabe rolled his eyes. What his mother wanted to say was “I don’t care what happens, just don’t let me walk in on you two screwing”

He knew his parents didn’t care what he did, just so long as nobody outside of their house found out. All that was on his mind was William, 24 hours a day. It frustrated him to the point of insanity, as he realised how oblivious Bill was to his own charms. ‘And he’s probably straight’ he grumbled. ‘All the hot ones are’.

Upon returning from school on the following day, Gabe saw a pretty middle-aged woman wiping down the counter. “Are you the new cleaner?” he asked curiously, putting his bag on a chair. “Yes, I’m Angie. You must be Gabe” she nodded and smiled warmly. “William told me so much about you.”

Gabe stuttered nervously. “William?” he whispered, but he knew already…their eyes were the same, their smiles. “Yes dear, my son.” Angie smiled puzzledly. At the same time, Gabe smelt the heavenly scent that he was coming to associate with his only newest friend. It was something fresh and crisp, bonfires, the ocean, forests and rain, and something else that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “William…” he repeated, resigned to the sight he saw when he turned around. “Hey guys” the newly arrived member of the group grinned. “I suppose you’ve met?” Angie put an arm around William’s waist, and he looked down at her smiling slightly. The instinctive, sweet affection between them was so beautiful; Gabe wondered why he didn’t have a relationship like that with his mom.

When Angie got back to cleaning the already pristine kitchen, Gabe shrugged his bag back onto his shoulder, and began to traipse upstairs. William was watching television and yelled up after him “What homework have we got tonight Gabey?” “Calculus. I’m failing already” Gabe replied. When he sat down on his bed and opened his book, he nearly fell off the bed in fright. Leaning over him, smiling insanely, stood William. “I’m good at maths, let me help you.”

What could he do? Gabe nodded, and then paused. “Not here. Let’s go to the pier” he offered spontaneously. His better nature was screaming ‘the pier? The pier?!?! The pier is your place! You can’t take just anyone down there!’, but Gabe ignored it. He knew what he was doing was right.

William Beckett reluctantly stood up as large raindrops began to fall. Shrugging his jacket back on, he strolled slowly down the pier and then considered what direction to walk. Left was where that cute Gabe boy had gone, but right was where William’s house was. Sighing and shaking his head somewhat, he turned right and meandered towards his house. He passed some young girls, around 14, and waved politely at them. They burst into giggles and blushed. Smiling benignly, he continued to walk, taking in the scenery of the small town. It was cute he decided, but obviously didn’t compare to Chicago. Chicago…even thinking the word made him feel like he had been punched in the stomach. The pain was so acute that he felt tears in his eyes at the memory of his home town. “Stupid mom…stupid small town…” he muttered angrily now, kicking stones with his scuffed boots.

“Why did we leave?” was William’s greeting statement when he stormed into the house he was currently occupying with his mother. “Why Bill sweetie, you’re all wet! Is it raining?” asked his mother lightly, ignoring her son’s emotional display. “Yes it is” he immediately deflated, and hugged her. “Hi mom how was your day?”

William forgot about Gabe until he was in bed that night. Then he wondered…would he actually see him again? Did Gabe really think it had been nice to meet him?

Gabe had no time to think once he got into bed, he fell into a deep sleep and didn’t so much as move until he was rudely awoken by sunlight streaming in through his window. Grumbling, he rolled back over and collided head first with his dog. “ROXIE!” he yelped, nursing his head and sitting upright. His dog, a cocker spaniel whimpered quietly and trying to kiss Gabe’s head better. He laughed and pushed her away gently. “You’re not allowed up here” he reminded. On cue, she trotted from the room, and Gabe saw the time on his clock. “Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!”

William decided to snooze in English. He had already read all the required reading, and he’d studied Hamlet twice at his last school. He was just getting ready for a dream featuring sun, Chicago, and his ex-girlfriend, when a satchel was dropped onto the table next to him, and a voice panted “sorry man, it’s the only empty seat”

He looked up into the wide brown eyes of a vaguely familiar face. “Gabe” he smiled. “William!” Gabe said in surprise. “I didn’t know you…” 
“liked English? There’s a lot you don’t know about me…”

They hung out together all day, Gabe tentatively getting the feel of their flirty, jokey relationship, William already in the full swing of it. He seemed to know just how to look up from under his eyelashes to make Gabe weak at the knees. “He probably doesn’t even know the effect he has on me” Gabe wrote later on. “And it’s insane, because…well I’ve always known I was gay, but I was never so aware of it until today.”

In only a few days, the boys developed a routine of meeting at the intersection of the two ends of town to go to school. Gabe came from the East side, from large houses with large green lawns, William ventured from the more impoverished West, where he and his mother were share-housing with an old man and his 3 dogs. They then walked together up the main street, passing the music store, women’s boutiques, the supermarket and the charity shop. Most days William stopped outside this shop and walked in, finding some item of interest. Little by little Gabe joined in the venture, and soon both boys walked to school with bags full of pre-loved clothes everyday.

Gabe’s parents didn’t understand. “Don’t we buy you enough clothes?” his mom asked. Gabe didn’t know how to explain. To him, it wasn’t about the clothes, it was spending the extra few minutes with William before they got to school and went their separate ways.

It all started as a dare. In fact, most of the life changing things in Gabe Saporta’s life had started off as dares, or bets. Moving to the U.S., joining a band, attempting to sing, getting his current job, approaching Pete Wentz on the street and asking him to listen to his band’s demo…falling in love…

The conditions of this particular dare were to stay locked in an enclosed space with someone else(namely, one William Beckett) for an unspecified amount of time without physical contact of any kind, and whoever gave in first had to buy drinks for everyone until Mike Carden said their debt was paid. “Any kind” Mike re-enforced, his facial expression conveying precisely what he was thinking.

 Mike was fully aware of

If Gabe had turned the dare down, the forfeit was a simple $100, but Gabe had too much pride for that, and Mike knew it.

So Gabe and William found themselves being locked into Pete’s basement. William sat on a cardboard box, as far away from Gabe as he could. Gabe stood for several moments once the door was closed and the lock turned. Then a grin spread over his face and he crossed the room to William, who immediately closed his eyes and tried to turn away. Too late he realised that Gabe was leaning towards him, and whispered roughly in his ear. “I hear you think you’ll seduce me in an hour and then leave me cold again. I’m telling you, and I’ll only tell you this once, I won’t even need an hour, and once I’m through with you, you’ll be begging me not to stop”

William suppressed a shudder and a sigh, and put his iPod on. Gabe swanned back to the card table he had placed his guitar near, and sat down daintily, preparing for the games to begin. Despite himself, he stared mournfully at the spot where William was sitting, trying to memorise every inch of his body, just in case he really was serious, and this was the last time…he’d be near him.

William rolled his eyes and came to sit next to Gabe. “You want to know why we’re not talking? Its because…4 years ago I met you, and we hit it off. I liked you, way more than a straight guy should, and it posed some questions for me. Then we started going out a bit, and I liked it. I realised that I had fallen for you, and you told me you loved me. I was so happy and in love and I thought we had a future. It seemed like you thought so too, since you basically proposed on our 3 year anniversary. Then next day I heard that you only proposed for a dare? And that you only asked me out to begin with…for a dare. So our whole relationship that I thought we had was based on…winning a dare against my stupid band mates?!? You promised me forever, and all I'm left with is a handful of memories, I'm not even sure mean anything.”

Gabe swore under his breath, and put his head in his hands. “You don’t understand.”

“Oh yeah?” A now fired up Beckett challenged. “Try me”

Gabe really didn’t want to explain. He could imagine whole lists of things he would rather do than open up to someone, walking barefoot across hot coals, bungee jump without a cord... He considered shrugging nonchalantly and acting macho, but then he stupidly looked Bill in the eyes. The 2 seconds that they stared at each other revealed so much raw emotion that Gabe was short of breath. A false front of confidence, of aggression and anger was hiding the insecurity and unhappiness William was suffering. He really didn’t know if Gabe had ever really liked him, all he was sure of was this time he couldn’t end up the hurt party. At the same time he was hoping desperately that his instinct was right, and that he could melt back into Gabe’s arms and everything would go back to how it was before. He was afraid to speak in case words he was afraid of confessing would spill forth, and then neither of them could ever go back to how it used to be. At least if Gabe shrugged and acted cool, one day…maybe…

Gulping deeply, palms clammy and heart panicky, Gabe opened his mouth to speak. William cringed slightly. “Please, just get it over with” he begged.

Gabe looked down, looked back up at William, eyes searching the room, begging for a break from the intensity. “I…shit Bill, you know I love you. Do I even need to say this? Yeah it was for a dare, but I was only dared to ask you out because I’d been acting like a sleaze, lusting after you ever since you walked through that door in Pete Wentz’s apartment. I was looking for an excuse to ask you out, but I couldn’t admit that I had fallen for someone. Especially someone like you. So pretty and naïve looking, but you could look after yourself. I was used to feeling needed. You didn’t need anyone.”

William shuffled a little on the spot, shifting awkwardly. “Ok then…well…what about the proposal? Surely you’re not that insecure around me still?” He tried hopelessly to distract himself from the possibility of Gabe actually loving him. It was just easier if he didn’t.

“Shockingly, I was. Until we stopped talking, I still was. I was so afraid of doing something wrong, losing you, that I made the biggest mistake ever. Mike dared me to propose. He knew I’d had a ring and everything, hidden away for months. I was so scared of being rejected, when he dared me, I figured if you said no, I could laugh it off as a joke.  I know I’ve done everything wrong and I’m sorry. The stupid part is that now I’m finally talking about…everything…its just in time to lose you for good”

William’s hands fluttered uselessly, to his throat, playing with his hair, and then nervously settled back to his lap. “I umm…That was…wow. I can’t believe you…opened up to me. But I…can’t. I can’t Gabe…no…sorry”

Gabe was shocked. “Why? Why are you struggling against this so much? Against us? I’m the one who’s supposed to be unreasonable” he joked weakly. William shrugged. “I just…can’t…” ”Why though? Give me a good reason to leave right now and not look back…I swear I won’t bother you anymore”

After getting no reply, Gabe stood and turned to leave. Sadly, he climbed the steps and turned the door handle. “Gabe…wait” The plaintive cry made him hesitate, and turn around once more. William came hurtling towards him and embraced him tightly, kissing him and whispering fiercely “Don’t ever stop.”

Gabe returned the kisses with ferocious love. “Don’t ever leave me again”

They knocked on the door together to alert Mike, ready to be released. “Well I lost, I’m buying drinks forever…” William admitted to Mike. “But it was worth it.” 

Gabe was right by his side, their fingers entwined. With a little luck, William and Gabe both hoped that this was how it could stay. How it would stay. Forever.